It's been a pretty good week, actually. Charlie has been eating more lately (averaging a third of each bottle, or more) and continues to be happy and content. Today, he ate some carrots and cereal, which was a big accomplishment. I am still worried about what the future holds food-wise, but I am getting better at just accepting things as they come along.
I went through a really tough time last week - I felt like Charlie was going to get worse at any second, that things weren't going to work out, and that we were in for more and more hurdles. I don't know why, exactly, I had a rough patch - it didn't have any relation to Charlie, although he was eating a bit less for a few days. It seemed to just come upon me - a dark cloud descended, like in those commercials about depression. I cried to one friend on the phone about how I now understand (and never did before) why people with depression don't want to get out of bed. For a few days, I didn't want to get out of bed, although I did. Everything shitty happens when you're out of bed. Under the covers is so warm and comforting and safe. I miss the safe feeling of our old life.
Matt was instrumental in getting me though that patch, as was my mom and my friends.
This week I decided I needed to see people for a distraction. I used to avoid distractions - I thought that I would do better to completely accept what is going on by sitting at home by myself. I now think that I have accepted it, but not seeing people is not helping my state of mind. So, this week, I've had over a friend every day. Friends on Monday, doctor's appointment yesterday, my mum today, tomorrow another friend, and then Friday we are back at Sick Kids for an echo, some bloodwork and Charlie's regular appointment. It has helped immensely to be around people again.
I think I was isolating myself for a few weeks there in order to just be with Charlie, and accept the situation, now that things have settled into somewhat of a new normal.
Hallowe'en was adorable, if nothing else. Here's a couple of pictures for proof - Charlie was a monkey (appropriate) and I was a pumpkin (appropriate):
At Charlie's doctor's appointment yesterday, he weighed in at 15lbs, 15.5oz. This is about .5oz ahead of where we thought he'd be, which is great. He's sitting at the 6th percentile and shooting up the charts. We're so proud of him. He also is going through a fairly barf-free time right now, which is great for his clothes, our floors, and my clothes. He's nice and chubby, warm and snuggly, and we love him so much.
This has been a fairly random blog update. So, a random song! 'Rollin' with my homies' - I've been rollin' with some of my pretty awesome homies lately, all of whom come to see my rather then making me drag the NG stuff all over the place - thanks for making me feel like I belong in the world again.
Rollin' with the homeis - Coolio
Saturday morning, take the train for a ride
The sun is up, I got my homies by my side
Rollin' down the street with my sixteen speakers
... on the beach, daddy dippin'
I hang a light at the right, ready to have fun
Then I bust a left for the 121
Pull it into park and lay it on the grass
I roll back the ride, so I can see some ass
Clock one sista, fifteens in the rear
Bump a forty, leaves me gawkin' here
I hits 'em up for the circle, that's how I'm livin'
Crowbars in the house and got us on a mission
You can be Blood, or you can see Cryppin' fool
But I ain't trippin'
My homie Snoop kicks the dinner juice and that's alright,
But a-Coolio with the flow seems to yak all night
chorus:
Rollin' with my homies ('said we yak all night, yeah)
'Said we yak all night (I got us on the way in the CBT, and it's alright)
Yak all night...
Rollin' with my homies ('said we yak all night, yeah)
'Said we yak all night (I got us on the way in the CBT, and it's alright)
Yak all night...
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