Good Vibrations

Charlie goes in for his surgery one week from today. One week from this moment, I will be watching him sleep at Sick Kids, recovering from his first surgery. Matt and I have struggled with this decision, as many of you know, with the Great Tube Takeout of 2012. I still wonder (and probably always will) whether this was really the right decision. He loves his solids and is doing so well...it's possible that he'd just figure out he needs to drink, but it's unlikely and so we're left with the other, best choice.

I'm actually not worried about the after-surgery stuff. I know we'll keep the site clean, we'll have him in his little 'gay' shirt to hold down his tube, we'll probably love the pump and the time it allows him to scurry around. What we are worried about is the surgery itself. The head of anesthesia (who was lovely - which, from my albeit limited experience, seems to be a rarity in anesthesiologists (thank you autocorrect)) reallllly put the fear of god in me in regards to Charlie being knocked out. He said that because the anesthesia affects the left side of the heart more, they'd have to more carefully monitor Charlie and make sure his heart could take it, and that he'd find a pediatric cardiac anesthesiologist (and how long did THEY have to go to school for?!) to take care of him. I'm pretty sure that hour or three is going to be the longest wait of our lives.

Rock Star Baby: 'Could you keep it down? Last night was wild, man.'

So, in the meantime, we are kind of pretending nothing is happening next week. We're just hanging out - Charlie is really becoming a toddler and less of a baby every day - and enjoying the summer weather that is finally here. Partly, the living day-to-day is because we are getting our basement finished and it eats every waking thought that isn't about Charlie. when we get home from the hospital, we'll have an exercise space, a TV space, and a Charlie-dedicated reading and playing area space. Sooooo exciting.

For the next week, we are just enjoying the last of this schedule and looking forward to the next. Bring on the g-tube.

 

Good Vibrations - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

Yeah
can you feel it baby
I can too

Come on swing it (4x)
1 - 2 - 3 - now we come to the pay off

(Chorus:)
It's such a good vibration
It's such a sweet sensation (2x)

Yo it's about that time
to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme
I'm a get mine so get yours
I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores
On the house tip is how I'm swinging this
strictly hip hop boy I ain't singing this
Bringing this to the entire nation
black, white, red, brown
feel the vibration

Come on come on
Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration

(Chorus)

Vibrations good like Sunkist
Many wanna know who done this
Marky Mark and I'm here to move you
Rhymes will groove you
And I'm here to prove to you
that we can party on the positive side
and pump positive vibes
so come along for the ride
Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation
so feel the vibration
Come on come on
Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration

(Chorus)

Donnie D break it down

Donnie D's on the back up
Drug free so put the crack up
No need for speed
I'm anti d-r-u-g-g-i-e my
body is healthy
And rhymes makes me wealthy
And the funky bunch helps me
to bring you a show with no intoxication
Come on feel the vibration

Yeah
Can you feel it baby
I can too

(Chorus)

Now the time has come for you to get up
The rest had you fed up but yo I won't let up
on the rhythm and rhyme thats designed to
make your behind move to what I'm inclined to
Pure hip hop no sell out
If you ain't in it to win it
then get the hell out
I command you to dance
I wanna see motivation
Come on now feel the vibration

It's such a good vibration
Come on come on come on
Its such a sweet sensation
Feel it feel it

 

Rollin' with my homies

It's been a week since I last posted. I can't believe it - I am sorry to those of you who check every day for Chupdates (you know who you are).

It's been a pretty good week, actually. Charlie has been eating more lately (averaging a third of each bottle, or more) and continues to be happy and content. Today, he ate some carrots and cereal, which was a big accomplishment. I am still worried about what the future holds food-wise, but I am getting better at just accepting things as they come along.

I went through a really tough time last week - I felt like Charlie was going to get worse at any second, that things weren't going to work out, and that we were in for more and more hurdles. I don't know why, exactly, I had a rough patch - it didn't have any relation to Charlie, although he was eating a bit less for a few days. It seemed to just come upon me - a dark cloud descended, like in those commercials about depression. I cried to one friend on the phone about how I now understand (and never did before) why people with depression don't want to get out of bed. For a few days, I didn't want to get out of bed, although I did. Everything shitty happens when you're out of bed. Under the covers is so warm and comforting and safe. I miss the safe feeling of our old life.

Matt was instrumental in getting me though that patch, as was my mom and my friends.

This week I decided I needed to see people for a distraction. I used to avoid distractions - I thought that I would do better to completely accept what is going on by sitting at home by myself. I now think that I have accepted it, but not seeing people is not helping my state of mind. So, this week, I've had over a friend every day. Friends on Monday, doctor's appointment yesterday, my mum today, tomorrow another friend, and then Friday we are back at Sick Kids for an echo, some bloodwork and Charlie's regular appointment. It has helped immensely to be around people again.

I think I was isolating myself for a few weeks there in order to just be with Charlie, and accept the situation, now that things have settled into somewhat of a new normal.

Hallowe'en was adorable, if nothing else. Here's a couple of pictures for proof - Charlie was a monkey (appropriate) and I was a pumpkin (appropriate):

At Charlie's doctor's appointment yesterday, he weighed in at 15lbs, 15.5oz. This is about .5oz ahead of where we thought he'd be, which is great. He's sitting at the 6th percentile and shooting up the charts. We're so proud of him. He also is going through a fairly barf-free time right now, which is great for his clothes, our floors, and my clothes. He's nice and chubby, warm and snuggly, and we love him so much.

This has been a fairly random blog update. So, a random song! 'Rollin' with my homies' - I've been rollin' with some of my pretty awesome homies lately, all of whom come to see my rather then making me drag the NG stuff all over the place - thanks for making me feel like I belong in the world again.

Rollin' with the homeis - Coolio

Saturday morning, take the train for a ride
The sun is up, I got my homies by my side
Rollin' down the street with my sixteen speakers
... on the beach, daddy dippin'
I hang a light at the right, ready to have fun
Then I bust a left for the 121
Pull it into park and lay it on the grass
I roll back the ride, so I can see some ass
Clock one sista, fifteens in the rear
Bump a forty, leaves me gawkin' here
I hits 'em up for the circle, that's how I'm livin'
Crowbars in the house and got us on a mission
You can be Blood, or you can see Cryppin' fool
But I ain't trippin'
My homie Snoop kicks the dinner juice and that's alright,
But a-Coolio with the flow seems to yak all night

chorus:
Rollin' with my homies ('said we yak all night, yeah)
'Said we yak all night (I got us on the way in the CBT, and it's alright)
Yak all night...
Rollin' with my homies ('said we yak all night, yeah)
'Said we yak all night (I got us on the way in the CBT, and it's alright)
Yak all night...